14 April 2009 @ 12:22 pm

“We want to make sure those who want Tab get Tab”  

As some of you may already know, two summers ago the 7th nerve in my face was damaged, causing me to lose muscle control in the left side of my face. 

“Some kind of palsy”. 

I looked like I had a stroke because my face was half dead.

“One side tries to smile enough for two.”

It was embarrassing but repaired itself after two months or so. Now though, when I’m feeling tired or just woke up- I feel it still.

This drooping sensation that no one else but myself ever notices.

That’s how I woke up this morning. 

Over tired, under slept, and drooping.

A quick fix of coffee usually helps but I didn’t have the two dollars on me after my order was up. Small coffee shops usually let it slide but I felt bad since this one was about to go under.

“Ill bring you two dollars tomorrow” 

/Half smile and I walked out.

What am I thinking? I wont be in beverly tomorrow, or the next day. 

Id probably never set foot in the place again.

The Rock Island isnt a very scenic ride.

Trash. There is trash everywhere- in the streets, near the side walks, in the backyards and piling up next to broken down cars. First time I set foot on this train, I was seven years old. First time I took the trip alone, I was twelve. I still choose to stare out the window instead of doing productive things, even though its the same view.

I cant stop thinking about the man at the coffee shop. 

He will be expecting me tomorrow with that two dollars but it will cost me almost six just to go there and back.

Maybe I can mail him two dollars today and write a note?

What am I saying.

Staying on the south side at my parents house was a nice change this weekend. There are so many people to see and spend time with since I am more accessible to them out of the city. Every time I come back to my apartment I try to settle back in. More time alone. More time with the same people. Not that Im complaining, it just feels like we’re all spending time with each other just until something happens. Waiting for something- thats what it feels like. Killing time together till change comes.

The change Im waiting for is summer. School is okay, since I enjoy the time it takes up and learning these things, but im almost over it.

Let difference come because i’m fading out with the weather.

Semi productive day with a short nap. Hopefully.

Over all, feeling quite happy.